Do you know what you really want?
by Snapelover
Summary: Hermione is violated at a deatheater's rally, but refuses to give up the baby. Why? And what does Snape have to do with it. Please read and review. :
1. Chapter 1: The Deatheater\'s Dance

**Chapter 1: The Deatheater's Dance**

A/N: I own nothing; really I don't own a thing I swear.

* * *

"My lord, may I have the honor to please you? So I may teach this Gryffindor a lesson." Lucius Malfoy knelt before his lord.

"No Lucius. I have a test of faith for my most unloyal servant. "Lord Voldmort said looking over Lucius's shoulder at Snape.

* * *

In the center of the deatheater crowd were Hermione, Lavender, and Parvati. All there were stripped of their school robes and were completely blooded up. Lavender and Parvati were huddled together crying. Hermione was quiet and waiting to see what was to happen next. As she scanned the crowd of unmasked Deatheaters, she noticed Professor Snape standing near the edge of the crowd trying to avoid looking in their direction, but when he did he gave her a look like it will be all over soon just stay calm.

* * *

Lord Voldmort stood up and motioned to bring the girls to him. "Now," He looked over the girls, "which one of you are virgins? Answer honestly or a faith worst than death will occur to you. Miss Granger?" Hermione nodded a slow yes. Lavender nodded a yes too. Parvati was the slowest to respond, she looked to Lavender looked at Parvati and then nodded a no. "Ah good. Two Virgins. Lucius you may take Lavender. Draco you may take Parvati and Severus you may have Hermione." The girls look at each other in shock. Lucius and Draco grabbed Lavender and Parvati and dragged them away screaming. Severus walked over to Hermione and took her by the arm roughly and walked her back to the tents.

"Miss Granger, stay calm I'm sure he wouldn't come in and watch so nothing will happen." Snape whispered as he led her into one of the tents. Hermione shuttered when she heard Lavender screaming, "No get off me," and her quiet sobbing. She walked over to Snape who was sitting in the chair. As she was walking towards him Lord Voldmort walked in.

"So Severus you haven't started yet. I know you have a weak heart for this but she is your gift for being my loyal servant. Enjoy taking her innocent."

"And you have come here to watch this?" Severus looked up at Lord Voldmort.

"But of course." Lord Voldmort said with a wicked smile.

Severus walked over to Hermione and grabbed her again roughly and when their eyes met Hermione noticed the I'm sorry look in his eyes. Snape roughly shoved her on the floor and got on top of her. He roughly forced his mouth on her lips and kissed her. He stripped of his robes and plunged himself in her. Hermione gasped and felt a deep pain inside her. Severus quickly forced himself to release and got off her.

"Good Severus good." Lord Voldmort said with a smile. "You may enjoy her for the rest of the night and then return the sluts to their school." Lord Voldmort walked out of the tent quickly.

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger, I'm truly sorry." Severus walked over to her with one of the layers of his robe. Hermione was so shaken she did the only thing she could which was cry. Snape sat down next to her and placed his head in his hands. She leaned her head against him. "I'm truly sorry." Severus quietly repeated. She placed her arms around him.

"I understand you had to." She quietly said back to him. "We'd all be dead if you didn't."

"You probably didn't want to lose your virginity to someone like me." He said looking over to the tear stained face of Hermione. He placed his arms around her and sat there. "Try to get some sleep." He told her as she lay down on the mat on the floor.

Through out the night Hermione would wake up to the screams of Lavender and Parvati. She looked up to see Snape full awake in the chair, watching her sleep and keeping watch on the door. Morning came and Snape woke Hermione up and said "I have to take you outside." He helped her up and walked her outside.

"Hermione!" Lavender yelled as Snape walked her over to the other girls. The girls tightly squeezed each other. The girls didn't notice that Lord Voldmort walked over in front of them and spoke a quiet spell.

"Severus you may take them back to the school." And with those words the Deatheater left the grounds where the previous night festivities were held.


	2. Chapter 2: The Journey Back to Hogwarts

**Chapter 2: The Journey Back to Hogwarts**

**A/N: **I own nothing. I would really like to own Severus but I think Hermione might kick my butt. Hehe.

* * *

Severus brought the girls their school robes. When he walked near them Lavender and Parvati jumped, only Hermione was comfortable with his presence.

"Get dressed." He snapped at them. As he stood like a overgrown bat in front of them. Hermione was still wearing the robe that Severus gave her the night before. She took it off and changed into her school robe. She walked it over to Professor Snape.

"Professor? Your robe." She said meeting his eyes. His eyes lighted from the stern look he gave the other girls. He took it from her and laid it over his arm.

"Move." He yelled. Lavender and Parvati quickly ran forward. Hermione slowly moved away from Professor Snape and followed the girls. Severus walked behind her.

"Thank you." He slowly whispered to Hermione. She slowly looked behind her and smiled. She slowed down a little more and walked besides him. "Are you okay? Are you in any sort of pain?" He asked her while still looking forward.

"I'm a little sore, but nothing to bad." She looked up at him.

"I have to give you each an anti-contraceptive potion once we get back. I hope it will counteract the spell he put on you and the other girls."

"What spell?" Lavender asked loudly.

"It is Lord Voldmort's plan to impregnate you girls, especially Hermione. He's hoping that being impregnate by a deatheater will make you convert over to his side."

"Never. I rather kill myself that birth a Malfoy brat." Parvati yelled. Hermione just looked up at Severus who looked down at her. _I hope Hermione doesn't feel the same way as Parvati does._ Snape thought.

"I think we should rest." Snape said point out a little clearing in the forest. With that Lavender and Parvati sat down on a big log and discussed the horrors that happened the night before. Hermione, though, walk over to Professor Snape.

"Professor. Do you believe the potion will work? If not will it hurt the child?" She asked him.

"Why does it matter to you? You probably have the same attitude as Miss Patil." Snape retorted at her.

"Professor, I do care. It is not the child's fault for what happened." She said.

"I don't know what will specifically happen but I know the child will sustain severe damage." Severus looked her with the same soft eyes as before.

* * *

Lavender and Parvati were watching the interaction between their evil potions professor and Hermione. "I can't believe she's talking to him. He raped her late night." Parvati whispered to Lavender.

"Maybe he didn't. We just weren't the lucky one last night." Lavender responded.

"He did I hear Lord Voldmort congratulating him on it. It happened. I just don't know how she can look him in the face after that."

* * *

"I'm not taking the potion then Professor."

"Excuse me, you rather give birth to my child then and be eternally bound to me by what happened last night?" Severus looked at her like she was mad. Hermione didn't know what to say. She sat down in the dirt and looked to the floor.

"Why do you always have to be so cruel? You were completely different after what happened last night. Was it all an act, just so I don't rat you out in front of your dark lord?" She said while her eyes filled with tear.

"Miss Granger, Hermione," He knelt by her. "I can't talk about this in front of present company. We shall continue this conversation when a good time comes." He whispered to her. With that he stood to his full height and gave her his hand to help her up.

"Let's get moving before night falls." He said to Lavender and Parvati.

A few hours later the tired beaten group arrived to Hogwarts. Professors McGongall and Dumbledore were waiting in the doorway for them.

"Oh, dears are you already." McGongall looked over the girls. Lavender and Parvati hugged McGongall and both started going on the horrors of the night. "Off to Poppy you all go." Lavender and Poppy both followed McGongall to the medical wing, but Hermione stayed behind.

"Hermione, you should go to the medical wing with Professor McGongall. You need to be checked over and have the necessary potions administrated." Professor Dumbledore stated. Hermione looked at Professor Snape and shook her head.

"No, I'm fine. Can I please be allowed to have a few minutes with Professor Snape?" Hermione spoke to Professor Dumbledore.

"Miss Granger, I recommend you go to the medical wing as Dumbledore advised and take the potions." Professor Snape said.

"I will not take any potion. I already told you that. I refuse to."

"Miss Granger, do as your told." Snape snapped.

"No! I already said I wouldn't and there is nothing you can say to make me."

"Miss Granger, you know if you don't go take the potion there is a possible that you might become pregnant with Professor Snape's child." Dumbledore spoke softly to her.

"And if I do and the spell is more powerful than the potion I will hurt the baby and I don't want that. I rather take my chances and if I have to give birth to a healthy child then worry about what will happen to him."

"Severus, what do you have to say about this?"

"I don't have an opinion on this. It shouldn't have happened." Snape explained. "I believe though Miss Granger should be allowed to choose whatever she believes fits her." Hermione looked up at him and smiled.

"Thank you. If you don't mind I would like to go shower and get cleaned up." Hermione said.

"Of course you may and I believe you and Severus here need to talk about just in case." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in eye.

"If you would find me in the dungeon after you have had time to clean up." Snape turned to her and spoke softly. Hermione nodded and left for Gryffindor tower.

"I don't know what to do and why of all things she would want to carry my baby." Snape spoke out loud.

"She has her reason, Severus, I just hope you are too blind to see them." Dumbledore said and walked away.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Snape yelled after him.


	3. Chapter 3: The Talk

**Chapter 3: The Talk**

**A/N :** I really wish I owned a Snape. I really wish I owned a Snape, but I don't. I don't own a thing.

* * *

Hermione took a long hot shower, washing off all the blood from her body. She lied to Snape when she said she was sore. She was really, really sore. _I hope he will understand why I did what I what I did. _She thought. _I have to talk to him and explain. He will understand I know he will._ She walked out of the shower and dried herself.

* * *

_Why did she do that? Why didn't she just take the potion and forget all about that horrible night. Does she think I wanted that to happen? If she only knew what I felt for her and how I would do anything to protect her. Why would she want to keep the baby? Why? Why? Why? _Severus thought as he was washing his bloodstained body in the hot shower. He placed his head on the wall of the shower and closed his eyes. Just when he was starting to clear his mind a knock on the potion classroom came. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a long black bathrobe.

"Who the hell is it?" He yelled, frustrated at the fact that his alone time was interrupted. When he opened the door he noticed it was Hermione stand in front of him.

"Hello. I'm sorry you said for me to come down and talk to you once I was cleaned up. If you want I can go?" She looked up at him with a sad expression.

"No. No. Come in I just wasn't expecting you so early." His toned softened when he notice it was her. He stepped back from the door and let Hermione walk in.

"Where did you want to talk?" She asked him.

"If you don't mind I would like to have this discussion behind close doors where I feel no one can hear us."

"Lead the way." She stated as Severus walked through the side door in the Potions classroom to his office. She thought would stop there but he kept walking to a painting on the wall. With a silent word the paint swung open and he directed her inside. She walked into a large open space that was simply decorated with large bed in one corner of the room and some comfy arm chairs in another. On one side of the room there were books from top to bottom and by the chairs was a large fireplace was already lit.

"It's not much." He said looking around.

"It's beautiful." She said.

"No. It's just your basics. I don't deserve to have a life of luxury." Snape said with a mournful voice.

She walked up to him and said "Yes, you do. You especially do."

Severus didn't' know where to look first. "If you excuse me I'm going to change into something more appropriate." Hermione nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed.

Severus walked into his bathroom and quickly changed into some pants and a shirt. _God, I've never been this nervous before why am so nervous. She's just a student. A student I love but a student none the less. _He thought as he walked back out of the bathroom.

"Professor, if you are busy I can come back." Hermione said slowly standing up.

"No, no, please stay. We need to talk. Dumbledore is right we need to discuss the what ifs. But first things first I would like your permission to see if you have truly conceived?" Hermione nodded a slow yes and Severus took out his wand. With a quick spell, his wand glowed a brilliant blue color and he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm pregnant. That's what the spell was for."

"Yes. You are." Severus sighed.

"Professor?"

"Please don't call me that right now. Do you know how wrong it feels to know I've impregnated my student?"

"Severus, I know you feel like you've done wrong. But you haven't. You did what you have to save us and I love you for your bravery."

"You have your life ahead of you. You shouldn't be tied down to an old man like me."

"Did you hear me? I love you, Professor, Severus. I want to have this baby, even if it means I don't get to have you with me to take of him."

"Miss Granger, Hermione. I don't believe you know what you want. You can't want someone like me. I have lived a horrible life and don't deserve a good life. I have to repay for my sins and a many sins they are."

"You aren't as horrible as you think you are. I love you why can't you accept that as a truth."

"Because you are too young and beautiful for me and no matter what my heart sings, I can't act on it."

"Why? Why can't you get off your high horse for a minute and look around you to see there are people here who genuinely care for you. Please allow yourself the chance to see your life as a gift and quit damning yourself and our future child." Hermione said as a few tears started to stream down her face. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said wiping her tears from her face. He then wrapped his arms around her like he did in the tent and kiss the side of her head.


	4. Chapter 4: An Unexpected Vistor

**Chapter 4: An Unexpected Visitor**

**A/N: **I own nothing. Hermione emailed me and told me to leave Severus alone. So I guess I still own nothing.

* * *

"I'm going to kill him." McGongall looked down into the bowl filled with a silvery liquid. "Moving in on her like that when she is fragile."

"She loves him, that's why she refused to take the potion. Hmmmm…" Dumbledore said.

"Dear god, don't tell me you're going to allow this to happen. He's her teacher and she is his student. You can't allow this to happen."

"She is of age, Minerva. She is allowed to make her own decisions. And Severus needs someone to show him his life isn't as bad as he makes it. All he needs is some love and someone to believe in him. She's it and there is no way I'm going to stop her."

"I just wish it didn't happen this way."

"The world works in mysterious ways, Minerva. Mysterious ways."

* * *

"So what are we going to do about the baby?" Hermione looked up at Severus Snape's dark eyes.

"I don't know. We'll have to consult Poppy about it. There are certain things that need to be done, but in all honesty I don't know the specifics of it. The one thing I do know is there is a potion you should be drinking every morning to help the development of the child."

"Our child."

"Yes, our child. It's just a simply nutritional potion that will give you all the necessary vitamins you need. I should go brew up a batch for you." Severus said as he started to get up. Hermione though grabbed his shirt sleeve and told him "Please stay with me. I don't want to be alone right now." Severus sat back down on the bed.

"I'll have to get some brew for you for tomorrow. You're going to need it. But are you hungry? It is time for dinner and I'm sure if you don't show up and I don't there will be rumours all over the school about us."

"You're right. Is it possible for me to come back here after dinner? I can't stay in the same room right now with Lavender and Parvati. They wouldn't let me rest with my decision to keep the baby."

"Certainly you can come back after dinner. The password to my quarters is sunlight."

Hermione left Severus's room and walked up to the Great Hall for dinner. The moment she walked in she was surround by Ron, Harry, and Fred and George.

"Did he hurt you? I'm going to kill him. I swear it. That stupid greasy git. I can't believe he did that." Ron went off as he hugged Hermione.

"He didn't do anything to me. He did what he had to save our lives." Hermione said as she pried herself away from Ron. As she did Severus walked by to the staff table. He look at her mournfully as if he believed he lost her.

"He's brainwashed you. That's it he brainwash you. That's why you are defending him love. It has to be." Ron looked at her in shock.

"Ron leave her alone. Hasn't she been through enough without you badgering her?" Harry said prying her away from Ron's arms. "You are okay though?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Hermione said as she sat down at the table. Her eyes scanned up to the head table to see Severus look down at them. When their eyes met, it felt like time stopped for just a moment and then restarted back into the hell that it has become. It seemed like everyone at Gryffindor table knew what happened that night thanks to Lavender and Parvati. Hermione couldn't do anything but sit there and let them talk. She got up half through dinner and walked out.

"What's wrong with her?" Ron asked with his mouth stuff full of chicken.

"Well, she's just gone through a nightmare of a night and you guys can't shut up about what Snape did to her. You think she needs a constant reminder of what happened." Ginny said as she stood up and walked out too.

"Hermione." Ginny called out once she exited the Great Hall. She turned to see Hermione walking downstairs to the dungeon. Within a few minutes, Professor Snape walked out of the Great Hall and started to walk down the stairs to the dungeon also. Ginny slowly follow them. When she reached the bottom of the stair, she saw Snape with his arms wrapped around a crying Hermione. Hermione was looking up at him and then to Ginny's shock, Hermione kissed Professor Snape. Ginny stumbled at the sight of it.

"What was that?" Hermione said.

"I don't know. Stay here and I'll take a look." Snape walked over to the stairs and noticed nothing. "Looks like nothing. Let's get back to my room. You need to rest and I have to get your potion ready."

"Can I help you with it?"

"I'm sure that will be possible, but first you must eat." Ginny watched, from her hiding spot behind the hangings, as Snape wrapped an arm around Hermione and walked her into the Potions Classroom.

"Oh my god I don't believe it. Hermione is going out with Snape." Ginny quickly ran up the stairs to Gryffindor tower, where she ran into the boy's dormitory. She wrote a quick note to Harry saying she needed to borrow his invisible cloak and she would tell him later why.

Ginny slipped under the cloak and walked back down to the dungeon. Now she had to wait to see if she could find a good time to slip into the potions classroom to see what was going on. She hit some luck. Professor Dumbledore was walking down the stairs and was slowly headed to the potions classroom. Ginny quickly followed him in. To find there was no Hermione and no Snape for that fact either. She followed Dumbledore to Snape's office only to see once again no one was there. Dumbledore then walked to a painting on the wall and mumbled something that made the painting swing open. Ginny quickly followed Dumbledore again in hopes to see where Hermione had gone. She finally saw her lying down on a bed in the corner of the room.

"Is she asleep?" Dumbledore asked. Severus nodded a yes. "How is she doing?"

"She's handling things well for all that has happened to her in the past 48 hours. Being raped by me, find out she is carrying my child, and…"

"Admitting she loves you."

"How did you know?"

"I know everything. Like the fact that we're being watched right now by a Weasley." Severus looked around the room. "Miss Weasley will you please come out from under the invisible cloak." Ginny removed the cloak to show herself near the door she just entered thru.

"How did you get in here?" Snape snapped at her.

"I…I…followed Professor Dumbledore." Ginny stuttered. "I didn't mean to. I was just worried about her. I just wanted to make sure she was going to be okay."

"She'll be fine, Miss Weasley. Our Professor Snape is a very capable man to take care of her. Now if you may leave us to discuss more private matters." Dumbledore stated. Ginny nodded and walked out of the rooms. She couldn't believe what she just saw.


	5. Chapter 5: Insanity Running Everywhere

**Chapter 5: Insanity running everywhere**

**A/N: **I really don't anything. If I did would I be as broke as I am.

* * *

"Severus, now that we can discuss this matter. I would prefer you and Miss Granger share a set of rooms so that you can be able to take care of her."

"Albus I don't believe that would be a good idea. Can you imagine all the gossip that would spread if Hermione would leave my room every morning? And the fact that she's going to have a grow midsection doesn't help matter much more. It's going be either very obvious what happened or everyone is going to believe that I'm taking advantage of her." Severus said looking across the table to the old man.

"You have a point, Severus. But I also believe it can help you in spying."

"How? You can't mean you're going to make Hermione poses as a deatheater. I wouldn't allow it. She can't suffer the way I…."

"She will pose as your wife, Severus." Dumbledore cut him off. "From what you were telling about what happened you said that Voldmort gave you her as a gift."

"For the evening! Not for the rest of my life. How am I going to convince the Deatheaters that Hermione enjoyed her raping so much that she decided to marry me for repeat performances? Merlin's, think Albus. It wouldn't fly."

"Yes, it will because you wouldn't get married till 3 months later and when she starts showing her blessing."

"Her blessing? Now I know you've truly gone mad. You think she's going to think of this as a blessing after a few years…no… make that a matter of weeks.." Dumbledore just shook his head.

"She loves you, Severus."

"But for how long? She is going to resent me for what happen. I know she will. Why would a beautiful woman like that want to be with me? I'm 20 years her senior. She wouldn't want to be with me."

"Severus, you're making an old man losing his mind. Merlin's, do you think she would admit to you her feelings without thought."

"She's in shock. Wouldn't you be?" Severus turned his head to the sound of rustling.

"Severus." Hermione spoke groggily. She looked up to see Professors Snape and Dumbledore sit on the opposite side of the room. "I'm sorry I must have fallen asleep. I should probably go now. Thank you, Professor Snape for allowing me to come down here to avoid questioning from everyone." She rattled off so fast that her words just came out as a blur. Hermione then slowly got up from the bed and started walking to the wall from which she entered.

"Miss Granger, I would like you to please sit down. I have a few questions for you." Hermione just nodded to Professor Dumbledore and walked over to the area where Severus and Professor Dumbledore sat. Severus stood up and motioned for Hermione to take his seat in the cushy chair.

"First things first, Miss Granger do you believe that Professor Snape here raped you?" Hermione's eyes went wide and she looked up at Snape, who was standing near the chair. Severus looked down at her blankly with the same look he gave all his students.

Hermione started to shake her head violently no. "No he didn't, he did what he had to do. He saved our lives that night. We would have been dead if he wasn't there."

"I'm not asking about the other girls. I know what happened to them and I'm certain that within time the Malfoys will pay for what they did to Lavender and Parvati. I'm specifically asking about you. Do you believe he raped you for his own sick pleasure or what?" Albus said as bluntly as she had ever seen him.

"I already answered that question. He didn't. He didn't. I swear. I know it wasn't for own sick pleasure. He did it to save my life. I would be dead or pass on to another deatheater if it wasn't for him." Hermione was near tears.

"Why keep the baby then?" This time the voice wasn't from Dumbledore but from Severus.

"I told you why. I don't want to repeat everything I said earlier in front of the headmaster." Hermione answered.

"Miss Granger…" Dumbledore spoke before Severus was able to say another word. "I just needed to confirm that you weren't feeling like it was done without meaning. I have a proposal to make to you in order to help the Order."

"Anything." Hermione responded.

"I want you to join the deatheaters just like Voldmort wants, but not as a recruit but as a wife."

"A wife? To who?"

"Professor Snape."

"Albus, we discussed this it wouldn't fly and I don't want her in danger. She doesn't deserve this type of life."

"She will be valuable addition to the Order. She will be able to get in deeper into the ranks as your overly loyal wife to the cause."

"Or she will be killed for being a muggle-born." Severus's voice increased to the point of yelling. "I wouldn't allow it, especially if she going to carry a child. It's too dangerous."

"Why can't I? You don't own me Severus Snape." Hermione spoke out in angry. _Why was he treating her like a child?_ Snape grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the other side of the room.

"I may not own you, but you are carrying my child. And if you think I'm crazy enough to put you and it in the way of danger, you have misjudged me. You are to stay out of this. There will come a time in which I can't protect you with them and I rather not have that time come. You will go to my home in the country and stay there until the child is born."

Hermione looked at him in awe. She tried to open her mouth to say something but nothing came out. "And this is the final word. You hear that Albus the final word on this subject. She will NOT be mingling anywhere near the deatheaters for sake of the order or not. I will not have it." And with those words Severus stormed out of room.

Hermione could do anything but stare at the Headmaster and wonder what the hell just happened?

* * *

Severus Snape stormed out of the dungeon to the astronomy tower. He stepped out to the open balcony area where the telescopes were setup for viewing and looked to the sky. The moon and stars shone down on him and the cool breeze took away the angry he was feeling towards Albus and Hermione. The deep breathes made the world just flow away in the wind.

* * *

"Where do you think he went Professor?" Hermione asked.

"Probably the astronomy tower, he spends a lot of time up there after returning from missions. It's his spot for release." And with that Hermione ran off to the Astronomy tower.

* * *

When Hermione arrived to the tower she noticed Snape standing near the edge of the balcony. She walked up towards him only to notice his eyes were closed and light smile was on his face as his long black hair rustled in the wind.

"Severus?" She quietly spoke and placed her hand on his forearm. Snape opened his eyes and looked down to see Hermione looking concerned. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Miss Granger."

"Why do you call me now? Earlier today you called me Hermione and professed your love to me. Why the change in heart?"

"It was a mistake. I don't love you, Miss Granger. I did want I had to do calm you down."

"You kissed me." Hermione's eyes started to fill with tears.

"It was a mistake." Snape said coldly. Hermione couldn't hold her tears and more and she ran out of the tower.

"It was a mistake…." Snape slowly repeated to himself. "a horrible mistake. ARGHH!" He picked up the near by telescope and threw it off the tower. He collapsed then on the cold stone floor.


	6. Chapter 6: Tragic Figures are real too

**Chapter 6: Tragic Figures are real too.**

**A/N: **I still own nothing. Severus emailed and said to quit bothering him. He loves Hermione. Hehe. If he only knew. ;)

* * *

Hermione made it back to Gryffindor without running into anybody.

"Deary, are you alright?" the fat lady asked as Hermione spoke the password thru tears.

"Fine, I'm fine." Hermione ran through the portrait hole and directly up to her room where she sobbed into her pillow. "He told me he loved me. He lied. He lied to me." She cried quiet till she fell asleep.

* * *

Severus in a slow whisper said, "Why don't I get to have to have what everyone else has? Why do you hate me so? Why must I SUFFER! Why can't be allowed any happiness?" Severus Snape broke down on the roof of the astronomy tower. In a rush of angry and frustration, he walked down to the main floor. Looking to the stairs that would lead him back down to the dungeons, he instead walked straight out of the door. He walked and walked and walked. More in circles than anything else. _I have to get her out of my mind. Get everything that happened out of my head. _He, looked around at Hogsmeade and decisively walked into the three broomsticks.

"What can I get you, Severus?" Rosmerta chimed at the sight of Professor Snape.

"The strongest stuff you have." Snape looked down to the bar top as he spoke.

"Firewhiskey, it is then." Rosmerta poured him a shot glass. Severus just grab the glass and swallowed it in one gulp and nodded for another. Rosmerta poured another. Rosemerta tried to get him to talk about what's a matter, but all she got was a glare. She poured and poured till half the bottle was gone. "Severus, I believe you've had enough."

"No. The pain is still here. More." He slammed the glass to the bar. She poured him another.

"Severus, this is the last one and I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She set down the bottle next to the glass. Severus grabbed the bottle and walked out with Rosmerta staring at the door in shock. She then walked over to the fireplace and summoned Albus.

"Albus, I believe we have a problem with Severus." Albus nodded and told he would be right down to help.

* * *

Severus walked around in drunken circles, yelling snidely at the Hogsmeade passer-bys.

"What are you looking at? Witch is a good description for you, I said. Where is the wart covered nose?" He laughed to himself as the woman just walked passed mumbling. "He must be drunk." Just as Severus was collapsing to the ground in front of the Hog's Head, Albus and Remus Lupin grabbed him under each arm.

"Severus, it's time to go back, my son." Albus said with a look of concern in his eyes.

"You know, Albus, I love you. I really do." Severus said with a slur. Albus just nodded. "Remus I love you too my werewolf friend. I love everyone!" Albus and Remus just nodded in agreement and started to drag him back to Hogwarts. "I love her, Albus. I love her, I really do."

"I know, my son, I know." Albus said.

* * *

The following morning, the Great Hall was all a buzz. It seemed like everyone had heard that their mean, evil potions master was drunk and ranting around Hogsmeade. Hermione looked up at the head table to see Severus Snape just poking at his food. Within minutes, he got up and left, not eating a thing.

"I hope the parents don't protest the fact that this happened." Albus said to Minerva. "I don't believe I would be able to protect him from this."

"I hope not too." Minerva replied looking after the sad figure that just walked out of the hall.

Hermione saw him leave and decided to take a few minutes before following him.

* * *

Hermione walked down to the Dungeons only not to find Severus anywhere. She walked up to the Astronomy Tower only to not find him up there either. Looking out from the Tower she noticed him sitting by the Lake alone with his knees to the head and his arms wrapped around his knees.

She quickly walked down the Astronomy Tower stairs and directly to the lake. Hermione knelt down near him and put a hand to his back.

"Severus." She quietly said. Severus lifted his head, visibly showing his tear stained face.

"You're here. I thought you wouldn't care especially after what happened last night."

"I do care." She said with a smile.

"I'm a broken man, Hermione. I'm not good enough for you. Nor I will I ever be." Hermione shook her head. "I can offer you money and protect, but I'm not a man to be loved. I'm a deatheater and a spy. This will follow me for the rest of my life. I don't want this burden to follow you, my love. You don't deserve to suffer for my errors."

"I'll take my chances, Severus." She said rubbing his back.

"No, I wouldn't allow it. You and our child must not suffer for my flaws."

"You treat yourself as this tragic figure who doesn't deserve to be a man. You are a man, Severus. You need to realize that. You need to live your life. You've been given a second chance, take it and hold it. I'll be here with our child when you realize it." Hermione said as she stood up and walked back into Hogwarts.


End file.
